| Author | Message | ||||
     Bunnyb Official Chatterbox Username: Bunnyb Post Number: 7692 Registered: 03-2006  |
Thought this was the right place to post this. Trying to make a poem fit the 180 word criteria for the competition that Emu posted info on in A & E. Going to attatch the original (too long) one. And also how I have edited it to fit. Would really like opinions over if it is still too long and if anything else could come out and it still work. Or whether I need to keep any of the other bits in and somehow cut out a few other words here and there to fit them. As ever, I struggle to make the punctation make it read the way I would say it so any help there too please  all of you who got better than CSE 4 at English. Finally any tips over the best way to type it up for submisson. Eg. Does "Entries can be made by typing your poem onto one side of white, A4 paper " mean I have to fit it all onto one page? Or can it be over 2 like it is ATM? If allowed on 2 should I staple or just paperclip them together? Finally! I'm sure one will come to me but, I think it needs a proper/better title, something that adds to the sentiment, a single word would be nice but Metamorphsis isn't right, or a couple like, So Long or Fare Well. Like i said sure one will come but any suggetions welcome. Oh and (hugs) to anyone else who has kids who don't say goodbye when they leave cause they think they are too big. I know! I think too much. | ||||
| Bunnyb Official Chatterbox Username: Bunnyb Post Number: 7693 Registered: 03-2006 |
Here is the original too long one:
And here is what I did to make it fit:
I know! I think too much. | ||||
| Skylight2 Official Chatterbox Username: Skylight2 Post Number: 1003 Registered: 02-2008  |
Awww....  My brain is in perfect working order. Its just resting at the moment. | ||||
| Catherinef Seriously Garrulous Username: Catherinef Post Number: 320 Registered: 11-2003  |
That is lovely, I would call it Goodbye Joe. I wouldn't lose any parts but as you say tighten it up a bit to lose a couple of words. It brought tears to my eyes. (In a good way - LOL) CATHERINE. XXX Are we nearly there yet? | ||||
| Kanda Official Chatterbox Username: Kanda Post Number: 1775 Registered: 04-2007  |
That's lovely Bernice - you've caught the sentiment so well. I also think Goodbye Joe would be the perfect title. Well I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, and I'm happy to say I finally won out over it. | ||||
| Sarahjmcc Official Chatterbox Username: Sarahjmcc Post Number: 1794 Registered: 03-2007  |
I loved both versions. Goodbye Joe sounds fine to me Sx Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. | ||||
| Julia Official Chatterbox Username: Julia Post Number: 10586 Registered: 08-2003  |
I love it. My eyes are burning IYKWIM. Some mornings it's just not worth gnawing through the straps. | ||||
| Cloud OneOfThem Username: Cloud Post Number: 10880 Registered: 08-2003  |
It's excellent, Buns. It reads really well. | ||||
| Bunnyb Official Chatterbox Username: Bunnyb Post Number: 7711 Registered: 03-2006 |
Thanks everyone! (I was waiting to see if Cloud knew about the staples and stuff  ). I think I will just call it Goodbye. Have manged to fit it legibly onto one side of A4 in case 2 pages is too much. No cash prize but at least I could take DH out for free on his birthday . Going to post it now, as the more a read things the more I criticise them and it all seems a bit hallmark  this morning.I know! I think too much. | ||||
| Cloud OneOfThem Username: Cloud Post Number: 10882 Registered: 08-2003 |
Sorry Buns - I missed that question. They want it on one sheet, so just alter your font. Edit: Ooops, just noticed that you already did. I never read posts properly, do I? (Message edited by cloud on September 18, 2008) | ||||
| Bunnyb Official Chatterbox Username: Bunnyb Post Number: 7713 Registered: 03-2006 |
I've got it all onto one sheet with just my name at the bottom, but my name, address, ect is on a covering note stapled to it, do you think I was supposed to fit that on the same page too? (Haven't mailed it yet so couls steam it open and change it). Thanks again. (I used to have a bloke who did all this stuff for me). I know! I think too much. | ||||
| Cloud OneOfThem Username: Cloud Post Number: 10883 Registered: 08-2003 |
If it were me with an entry submission requirement for one sheet, I'd probably do as you have done. According to the blurb, they read through a million entries in this competition which is why they don't want to be buggering about with more than one sheet. But there does need to be a reference to who you are in case the papers get seperated. How about, in really small font at the bottom of the page you type your name, and address/email/phone number on the bottom? I've never submitted anything with a single sheet and always attach a covering letter. It says here: "Entries should be made by typing your poem onto one side of white, A4 paper and either (a) posting your entry to Poetry for Performance Competition, The Sunday Telegraph, PO Box 609, London SW1W 0DT, or (b) emailing it to poetry@telegraph.co.uk. You will need to include your name and age, your address, telephone number, email address and the category under which you are submitting your poem. Postal entries will not be returned. The closing date for entries is midnight, 5 October 2008." so I'm assuming that means a separate attached sheet, because it's just the poem they want on its own. You could always email it instead as an attachment, with the email covering contact details. | ||||
| Bunnyb Official Chatterbox Username: Bunnyb Post Number: 7714 Registered: 03-2006 |
That's what I was thinking, and TBH with 3/100000 chance don't see why I'm worrying. Thanks anyway. I know! I think too much. | ||||
| Fiona Official Chatterbox Username: Fiona Post Number: 4191 Registered: 12-2003 |
I e-mailed the kids ones (which were quite small) and attached them with details to the email which also had the details | ||||
| Bunnyb Official Chatterbox Username: Bunnyb Post Number: 7726 Registered: 03-2006 |
Done! I know! I think too much. | ||||
| Plushpants Seriously Garrulous Username: Plushpants Post Number: 310 Registered: 01-2005  |
I like it, says it all! http://www.plushpants.co.uk - nappies and natural products that don't cost the Earth - check "over to you" for current offers and discounts |
too long son